You know the routine. You’re traveling along, going about your daily life…. All is good, all is calm. No stress, no problems. You’re overcoming and listing victories every day. You feel relaxed and peaceful. Breathe in that sweet blessed air. … Then BAM! You walk head first into the fog. Where the F does it come from!? Every flippin time life is good the dreaded fog appears.
If you’re lucky, you’re not too many steps into it before you realize you’re in it. If you’re one of those lucky ones you an stop and assess it. If you’re one of those quick thinking ones you’re strong enough to turn around and walk away from it. If you’re one of the strong ones you won’t pay any attention to it. If you’re one of the balanced ones, the fog doesn’t even exist.
But what if you’re not so lucky or strong or quick thinking or balanced? Well, like me, you then stare into. You see the swirly gray and black mist and hear it calling your name. You feel it on your skin. It’s as soft and comfortable as it is dark and forbidding. It’s as warm and fuzzy as it is cold and clammy. It’s everything you need and everything you hate swirled into one. But you can’t walk away. It pulls at you. Little tugs here and there while you’re assessing it. It winks at you and bears it’s fangs at the same time. You love it/you hate it. Before you know it, you’re toying with it has caused you to be consumed by it.
You can’t think. You can’t talk. You can’t focus. You can’t hear. You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. You cant feel. You can’t function. You are being digested by the fog. You are aware of what’s happening to you but you can’t think remember so you can’t break free. You can’t cry. You can’t scream. You can’t exist. It’s like mental quick sand. The more you fight against it the deeper into it you’re pulled. The anger controls you. The anger of everything controls you. It’s ….all….you….know.
I’ve been chewed up and spit out by that fog more times than I care to admit. I don’t understand it. I know God has many reasons for allowing the fog to block our paths and to force us to make a decision but I don’t understand IT. And I don’t understand why I keep walking right into it every flippin time. Clearly I’m not doing something right when the fog surrounds me appears; but how do i figure out what that something is from inside the fog where I cannot function?
I pray, I beg, I confess, I repent, I quit. Every time i enter the fog more and more of it remains in me after I finally exit it. It won’t leave. It becomes part of me.